Clean Slate

God knows where I've been for the past few months. I havent at all updated this blog for a few reasons. The main thing being that I havent gotten my head straight and that my obligations took up a whole lot of my time.

It's still just the beginning of the 2nd month of the year and I havent lost much I hope. This time around, I'm really hoping to begin with a clean slate and with that I've also deleted my foolish entries showing how mad and crazy I was just cause of a breakup. Non the less I've still got issues to address such as my school troubles and my lacking of self confidence but in due time I think I'll be able to address those issues completely.

At least now I know I've addressed one thing. I'm over whatever that has taken place in the past, I've moved on and I'm now addressing the present. I havent felt this good in ages. Those months were like hell but I guess to stand up tall you've got to fall down once in a while.

Loads of things have been taking place since the last time I blogged an entry. Part of those things were the hectic running arounds I had to do being a Deputy Head Boy as well as being the Deputy Secretary General for the MUN club in school. Having said that, the HMUN trip to Boston proved to be a good one for me as well as my mates. We had fun, laughs, a bit of drama as well as a mind-blasting! experience!

Mind-BLASTING as it may have been, We're got a whole crap load of work to catch up on, so I will leave this entry on a cliffhanger while I go pursue my education (bleh) MATHS here I come!! I love thee but thou art the thorn in my side (nyeh failed)

BOSTON BABY!

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~It Feels so Good, but at the same time so Wrong.. Life's too complicated but ah well~

Paintball Madness

So to whoever follows this ever dying blog. I have great news!!! I'm still alive and I've never been better :)

Anywho, I promised that I'd blog about my paintball trip with my awesome friends and here it is~~~~

I started off the day being woken up by my freaking phone -___-''' My friend had called me to mention his disregard for paintball and his disapproval of the activity. I was pretty hungover (without the presence of alcohol) at the moment to even give a rat's ass about it so all you could hear were *Ummm* *yeahh* watever*

I did the normal checks before setting out, saying my bye's to my parents, and got my bag which was over packed with 3 extra t-shirts and set off before having to return back up to retrieve my Crucifix and going back down the lift again. I then started off my nice 3/4 block walk to the pick up point. I was an hour early needless to say and bored until my first few compatriots arrived!!


A little more waiting and some small tincy wincy drama and we were off to the second pickup point kilometres away at Carrefour stop. There we had a little bit more drama and a bit of a wait and compromise before setting off to our next destination the Sharjah Paintball Field arena thingy!



Now here's the lowdown on the bus ride. People were playing cards, I got bus sick so many times I lost count. I puked who knows how many times, but just lightly and I felt like crap but apart from that games on the bus were good! Charades were in good demand, though we had limited knowledge of stuff and could pretty much only do movies. After which I decided to pass out and take a nap before war time!

Yes My daily vanity shot =D

When we arrived at the arena we all took a bit too much time to get used to our surroundings. In layman's terms we took so long to dress into our gear. MEN went out in just what they were wearing, boys went out with overalls, and kids went out with gloves and chest guard while sissies went to great lengths of buying the chest guard, gloves and to the point of bringing shin pads, elbow pads and neck covering. (You know who you are though you dont read my blog!)

Ehem.. Overprotected much :P

There were actually 5 games. We decided not to play one game due to the shortage of ammo. We were trigger happy =D

The first game was total elimination. No explanation needed. One team neede to aniahilate the other. It was a draw between the two sides. Second game was defend the base. This game freaking ruled! It ended in one side winning of course, which side that is will not be disclosed *hehe* I was camping the whole time near this truck and not a single person could get a bullet near me. So that's two games straight without me getting shot! *feeling proud here*

Shut up! I dont wanna hear anything about my eyes :P

The third game was king of the hill or capture the flag in other words. Once again not really much explanation here. There are many versions of this game though. Ours had the flag placed on a tower, smack dab in the middle of the playing field. I devised this brilliant strategy which fell apart cause my main person got shot out. When it was my turn to rush the tower I got shot out by luck apparently. I conceeded and left the playing field. Our team had the upperhand but then the tides switched. It ended in a draw though so neither side got it.

This one's for you Tommy :P

Last game was just for us to use up all our bullets. It was dubbed RAMBO cause if you get shot you dont go out. I dont get it though, Rambo certainly would've been out if he was shot! So they should name the game something else like Superman or Invincible or something else cause that would make more sense. Dont you think so?

Well that was that and once we all had our showers and the bus came back to pick us up we made our way back home. The bus ride back was bliss. Sure there were some complications here and there but that's life. Hurdles appear everywhere and I would'nt have had that day anymore perfect than it already was. Every moment spent with friends is a moment that determines your life. They're like your extended family.

Lol.. Girls get chest protectors for free btw

As usual he's the only ready for a picture

Bringing sexy back

The 16th of June 2009 will forever be a long lasting memory within me and within the rest of us for sure. All the things said, all the things discussed will forever remain memories both bitter, and sweet just like tiramisu. Thank You God for such a wonderful life, and amazing friends. You truly are amazing!

I love you guys! <3

<3

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*reflections*
I've got your back no matter what =)
You can try but I wont budge
I'll catch you no matter what =)
Trust me and believe in your heart <3

Struggle till the end

Just a three more multiple choices paper to go and a Practical Music exam till I'm free. Wohoo!

Oddly enough I'm not too happy. :(

I dont know why though. I've been trying to keep myself up by watching so many comedy videos, I've been trying to keep myself on a high by smiling a lot but it kills me inside. I dont know why.
Truth be told I'm easily shaken whenever someone I care about is upset or disturbed or confused and I tend to fall into this downward slump following them into sadness and despair.

I hate that about me. I hate that I follow people's moods. Here's what I want to do. I want to be the one that whenever people are down, I put a smile on their face. I want to be the one who'll never cry or get scared in front of people. I want to be the one who gives hope to people. I want to make people laugh and forget their worries. Lately I havent been able to do that. It's like no matter how much I try, everyone is just down and sad.

Have you ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders? I have, a million times over. Have you ever felt that piercing hurting feeling you get when you try so hard to share smiles and laughter but get annoyed. It hurts till the point of tears.

But I vow that whatever happens and whatever turn my life takes I will always smile no matter what. For I cant let myself live in despair and the shadows. Sure its nice for a while but the real fun is being happy and sharing that happiness with everyone else. Trying to make people smile, giving them hope.

Can one person really change the mind of many? Can I make you laugh, smile and forget all your worries? Honestly I dont feel like that now. All I ask now is that God grant me the knowledge I need to know what to say when things are needed to be said, the patience to tolerate all the pain of the world and keep it inside me, the courage to wake up each day and say I'm gonna make a change in the world, and the Love to show everyone how much I care and love them
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~reflections~
I want to say to you dont worry,
I want to tell you I'll protect you,
I'll be there when you're in trouble,
I'll be there when you're smiling,
I know Im not there yet,
But even if I cant say it..
I'll be there..
Aishiteru

Smiles.. exams are almost over..

It's been ages since I've visited my blog page. I see the cobwebs on the side accumulating.. *Sob Sob*

Anyways I'll just blog about what's been happening the past few weeks I've been having my exams. Ah the smell of textbooks, the ink on your hands, the sore tired fingers you get after writing for so longl, the pain and anguish not to mention anxiety of thinking back and asking yourself "Was my answer right?". Frankly exams are a pain in the ass.

But I'll take it as a blessing. I mean we are meant to be challenged everyday. If we dont then we'll never use our brains, our muscles and we can never have bragging rights! (Brag but in moderation!)

I take it exams are here to be what they are. A test, a hurdle, a mountain we can conquer. The great taste of achievement when you conquer that mountain is a sweet victory because you yourself knows that the hours you've labored over the subject and amounts of immense preparation coupled with sweat, tears and blood all did not go to waste. It's a sweet victory because you've worked hard for it. It's a sweet victory because everyone around you has helped you and is hoping all the best for you. Exams.. A brain killer, but what's the point of having a brain if we're not going to use it eh?

So that's my view on exams. Now saying that I've pretty much have had a rollercoaster ride of exams. I've been so disillusioned on many occasion I usually end up studying the night before and well things have been going good for those exams. Unfortunately for Accounting Paper 3, Chem Paper 3 n Physics Paper 3 I've pretty much messed those up. I'm hoping I can salvage my marks with the last paper. There's always some hope!

Apart from that things have been pretty mellow I guess. Just the other day I stumbled upon the flash animation on Albinoblacksheep.com. The creators SamBakZa of the flash There She Is! are total geniuses! I loved the flash animations sooooo much. It's about the interspecies relationship of a Cat n a Bunny/Rabbit whatever it is. It's soo nice and I love part four since it's the most sad one haha emo yess. Somehow I feel it kind of reflects myself my situation. Though I think I'm more of the bunny/rabbit :P

Apart from that I've been absorbing other stuff like knowledge of breakdancing.. Yes breakdancing, I want to learn it properly dont know why. I've almost mastered the art of Hand Stands :P and yeah I've learned to trust more. I've learned that TRUST is important.

I've almost lost my TRUST, I almost loss it all cause of the thoughts I had. But right now I think in myself, if I can believe and imagine that everything is alright it will be. TRUSTING others, TRUSTING myself, n TRUSTING you..

I've had soooo many dreams which have led me to distrust many people. My dreams have led me to harbour anger n vengeance but I realised that those are only dreams and dreams are meant to be dreams and nothing else.

That vivid dream of you standing there with a blunt knife, stabbing my heart from the back repeatedly constantly plays in my mind. Even if it symbolises something else I trust that nothing will happen. Blood may trickle down my spine but still my smiles will be the only one shining out.



Well avoiding that dark place. After the exams our group is planning to go for a paintball thingy. SO keep a lookout for that post haha :)
Let's hope no one comes home looking like this :P


Anyways here's my photoshop work of the month. I love it so :)

This is the Quill front page. The school newspaper. Took me a long time to work on it but Im happy its done. It was never used though..


Lastly.. My portraits.. All containing stupid images of ugly old me.. Not fit or worth to be on the net.. but still i like camwhoring haha :P
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~reflections~
uneasyness and stress taking over..
adakah cintaku kan bertepuk sebelah tangan?
cintaku tak bersyarat
namun engkau tak tahu kemana ingin kau pergi..
maafkanlah aku jikalau tersilap cakap..
sarangheo

Paper Planes..

It's been a long time since I've updated anything. Exams are around the corner and I cant really afford to go online much these days.. I barely have the time to breath haha..
Anewho since this will probably be the last post for a very long time I'll delight everyone with a video I made.

I recorded this yesterday. It's a song I wrote entitled Paper Planes. It's supposed to symbolise the volatile nature of our love. We're all in a paper plane and where we fly to we'll never know. We're hoping that someone may catch that plane so that we'll be theirs forever. But often that plane crumbles and withers away before even reaching where it's supposed to go.

Face it, our lives are all like these paper planes that fly. We create them and we throw them in the direction we want them to go. But often we throw them hastily and they end up falling to the ground instead of going any further. But then the lighter side of it shows that each time we fail, we create a new paper plane, A new Life or attitude, or mindset so to say and we throw it off again. Each time correcting and perfecting the design to fly as far as it possibly can.

This song is mostly a love song but the message. Could be there, could be hidden. Anywho I hope you'll all enjoy this original composition of mine I wrote for a special person in my life.



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*reflections*
IG's are near.. Damn It.. But i said I'll go through it with a smile
So I shall..
And I want you to smile with me... Will you?
Ami Tomake Bhalobashi..

Ami tomake bhalobashi

It was around 8 or so when I confessed to you, unfortunately online.... But ever since that night, things have been different, the world took on a different light and my life was changed forever. Im glad i found someone like you to be with. You're a special person and a rare gem that comes only every once in a few centuries.

All the random pictures u took of me.. lol

I found that with every day that I see you, I seem to be falling for you even more and more and more. Every second I spend with you is a moment I treasure, every sentence said is kept in my heart, and every smile I save and keep safe in the memories of my heart. Every day I wake up I look forward to the opportunity of meeting you in school. Even if I dont meet you that day I look forward to each sms, each MSN chat and each phone call and of course the day when I actually meet you Im happy as a lark cause I know when you're around things just go the way they're supposed to.

lol u love taking pictures of me? Why?

hmm the strangest one yet..

lol ur random pictures brings back memories :P if u remember those are ur glasses

Honestly when I got into this relationship, I thought at first that I might just do something stupid to accidently end it and relapse into another state of depression. Honestly I was afraid to commit to another relationship after what happened with my ex. But now Im glad and I dont regret taking the gamble. With you I managed to let go of my past and accept my present and future. You're a magnificent gift to the world and you know that. Even if you dont, I'll make everyone else realise it for you. :)

you're always soo camera shy

U were soo amazed when i brought the slinky

lol.. ur watch showing ur ever faithful love to adidas :)

At times though when you're down and sad, its not that I dont ever want to see you when you're down and sad. It's just that I wish I could think of better words to say to you when you're like that. I wish I could make you smile just by saying something stupid, I wish I could offer some brilliant piece of advice or offer my comfort whenever.

Thing is I dont mind that you restrict any of my actions. I mean love is not about being all touchy, feely, kissy, or lovey dovey. Love is about trust, being able to depend on the other, understanding, and pretty much Love itself. And to me you've shown me all that and more. You've tolerated all the things I've done, you've even given consolation when I've wronged you. For that and for you I'm thankful.

nyeh.. i think this was on my bday lol... u apparently said i was blushing.. :P

I loved the card you made for my birthday :)

Lol you're a stalker :) haha

Thank you soo much for the card it made my day :)

Here's what I like about you..

I like the way you talk
I like the way you lecture me of which is wrong and right
I like the way you're concerned about me
I like the way you play the guitar
I like how you play the piano
I like how you smile and laugh
I like how you're always there to help a friend in need
I like how you never back down from a challenge
I like how you never give up
I like how you just take me by storm and surprise me
I like how you play hockey
I like how you always give your best
I like how you're not afraid to show your emotions
I like how you give advice so spontaneously

and above all... I like you!

Your crazy batch of hockey team mates

hahaha remember the bear I made for you lol

I seriously dont mind anything at all. I respect your decisions and none of them are stupid decisions, I respect your views, I respect everything you are. You're amazing and that's the bottom line :) I dont mind or care if you never give me anything. Im just happy that you're around. To me that's a gift enough and Im not even deserving of it.

after winter dance.. was a great night wasnt it?

Thanx to you I've met all ur crazy friends

they've proved to be extremely fun!

So I guess it being our first year I should first mention Happy Anniversary! This year that passed was a good one and with you in it, it was even better. No doubt our love story is strange but I wouldnt have it any other way and Im glad and happy that you're starring in it. :) I love you till death sweetheart. I also want to say that if I made any wrong advances and done anything wrong to you, I'm sorry. I'm sure I have countless times and Im sorry for each and everyone of them. Thank you sooooooo much for always being there to catch me when I fall :)

bookday.. u were as cute as ever :)

haha troubled youth before the show..

playing away..

Ami tomake Bhalobashi!! Debbie I love you.. So deal with it :P haha Happy Aniversary Sweetheart
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~reflections~
Ami tomake Bhalobashi <3
I wish to be ur chipmunk forever
I wish you all the best in the future...
but I always want you to know that I love you
Good Luck and God Bless for the trial exams!!

Spring fever??

I woke up in the evening yesterday feeling somewhat strange, feeling somewhat relieved and feeling somewhat on a high. I dont know what's wrong but according to an expert friend of mine Im experiencing the phenomenon only known as "Spring Fever"

Im not sure what this spring fever is actually but it's kind of nice. Im feeling all high and happy and bouncy and well just smiley. Here's the story.....

After a strange dream where she left me in the end I woke up to an sms waiting on my phone. I took it into my hands and saw who it was from and it was from her. At that instant my heart just started beating faster and I was only thinking about her and i had a feeling of ultimate high and happiness. It's really strange!

All of a sudden I was transported into a world a lovey dovey-ness. It was funny really cause Im never really like this and saying sweet stuff like sweetheart and sweetie was a real shocker, both to her and to myself. But I had fun with the feeling. I like it and I want it to last actually. It's nice and great!

Since I still have that feeling of ultimate high I'll blog a bit about this girl who comes off as a mystery to everyone. Problem is how to start. I can never describe her cause words are hard to manipulate and describe who she is really.

I can say she's amazing, I can say she's lovely, wonderful, and playful not to mention hyper, crazy and naughty. She's the girl who loves sports and would rather shop for a hockey stick any other time. She's an amazing girl who's able to make me smile no matter how upset or down I am. Her words just ring in my head when she lectures me about all the stupid things I done wrong and I enjoy seeing her dish out advice to me.

She glows with an aura of brightness only known to a few people. She cant lie to her parents (i've heard her try) to save her life. She's a surprising girl who can take all the random things that I throw to her on a daily basis. Innocent (not anymore), sweet, beautiful, pretty, caring, passionate about everything, hyper, crazy, lovely.

She's the one with the red converse shoes and a flourescent blue guitar and plays in an all girl band. She's the one who's not afraid to lead and take responsibility. She's the one who's always there for you, never caring of the reparations but just wanting to see you smile again.


She's an amazing girl and above all Im glad she choose to be with me instead of all the other guys in school. Debbie I love You! Yes honeybun I love you! :P---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~reflections~
what can I say, I love you with all my heart and my soul..
No matter what's coming our way I dont care...
If I have to hurt because of it I dont care
I know only these three words...
I Love You..
<3